Starting to unwind......

Now the fun stuff! The whole unwind thing, means I am back at the horse ranch in Georgia! Mom has 2 horses here, so she comes a couple of times a month. This trip, it is mom, me, Savannah, and Brenda! We are having so much fun!!! We had a gigglefest on the drive up. Hello! 3 young women, stuck in a car, for an extended period of time.....Laughter will ensue! We laughed about songs, people we saw, and bodily functions being expressed! Mom was going crazy!! She laughed too though! She almost spit out her starbucks twice! We were singing, telling jokes, making faces, the whole nine yards!!! We stayed in a hotel last night, then drove over to the ranch. It is really rainy up here, but we have still been able to ride. This morning was short, the trails are closed because of all the mud. The afternoon was way cooler! Mom stayed in to spend time with her filly, Tortuga, so just Savannah, Brenda and I went out. We rode the pasture for a while, then headed in when it started raining harder. Brenda and I saw some people in the arena, and found out we could go in there and trot the horses. We're in!! We had so much fun! We trotted around a couple of times, and did not realize how wet we were until we had to get off the horses. Our jeans were heavier, and our hair was soggy. Our jackets were so soaked, we had wet spots on our shirts. We had so much fun!! We called mom to come get us, but started to walk back. We played hitchhikers when we saw her, I even pulled up my jeans to show a little leg! We had to ride in the van with our legs hanging out so we wouldn't get mud on the carpet!!! We dried off, then played pool and a little uno before dinner. Well that is about all the excitement you can handle for now, so I will blog again later. Bye!!!

Monthly Update

I am so glad I have been able to get away for a few days. The past month has been absolutely crazy! Let me see.... My new endocrinologist has informed me I have an insulin resistance issue, reactive hypoglycemia, and early hypothyroidism signs. This means a new horsepill to take daily, oh yeah, and a no carb diet. Yeah, had to start the latter right before Christmas! Not too fun! The holidays however, were. We had a get together at mom's friend Terri's, then drove to Green Cove Springs to look at the 2 miles of lights. Christmas Eve I was sick, but still stayed at mom and dads. I got to be the elf. I wrapped presents for mom, then helped put together the deluxe kitchen for the kids. It was cool having a Christmas sleepover! We got up with the kids and did the whole present unwrapping party. We then went to the in-laws for a little while for a trip to Justin's great aunt's house. The next day I was sick again. This time it was a little more serious. I had not been that sick in years! I had a horrible fever, and woke up with sores in my mouth wednesday morning. Yeah, the doctor says I have hand foot and mouth virus. It is just little sores in the mouth, no meds can help, just use antiseptic mouthwash, no kissing, no sharing food or drink. He also said I probably picked it up in the ER from one of the peds patients. Feeling better, still a few bumps though. So, I am taking a few days to unwind with mom. I need to after a month like that!

My Boisterous Baby Brother!!!

Oh my goodness! It is so hard to believe my little baby brother is 6 years old today! It seems only a short time since I was changing his diapers and taking him to daycare! Now he is a big boy, in kindergarten, and loving his superheroes! You've come a long way since mornings with Bear and Olie! Happy Birthday Little Bro! I love you bunches! Cowabunga Dude!

(blow on pitch pipe) Ahem...
A happy a birthday to a you, a happy a birthday to a you, a happy a birthday dear....dear...what was the name again? (psssstpsssst) Oh! Very nice! A happy a birthday dear Hunter! A happy a birthday toooooooooo yoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! (courtesy of the stork off Disney's Dumbo)

Happy birthday little man, I hope you make the best of it! Love you dude! You are the big 6 today! Woooo-hoooo!

I'm So Tired of Being Here....

Words made famous by the group Evanescence in their song "My Immortal", one of Kie's favorites as far as groups and songs go. Did okay this month, made it through the 13th alright, no major breakdown like I thought there would be, kept myself busy with school. Of course, the big things come in small packages, right? So it went Saturday night. We were watching Daredevil with Ben Affleck and his now wife, Jennifer Garner. Good movie over all. The deal breaker? Her father dying. They showed the funeral and started playing the above mentioned song, and I had to leave the room. Needless to say, I had the longest, sloppiest, heartwrenching cry that I have had over losing Kierra in a long time. It left me feeling so empty, raw, and vulnerable. That made sleep hard to come by. I moved through Sunday on autopilot, trying to keep my "happy face" on. Each day is supposed to bring you one step closer to feeling better, to the weight of grief gradually lifting, then it seems like the path dissolves from under you, thrusting you back to the moment you dread the most, above all fear, above all else. Still, you search for the way, the path that you were on, to try to regain the person you were, but you will never be again. Everything is different now, life is not, and never will be, the same. Some spark has gone out, the "fairy dust" has disappeared, leaving you grounded, unable to fly above it all, carefree and happy as you once were. Melancholy leaves you as a shell of the person you once were. Will it ever end? Will it ever be okay? Of course not, but as I told my cousin a little over a year ago, it never will be okay, but we have to pretend it is and go on living our own lives. So I do, and somehow we have all made it this far. So I say, job well done to all those who are in this with me, and thanks for being there, through it all. We can make it!

Horse Hair & Fresh Air

Oh my goodness! Not too much since last time I blogged, except I just finished out a 5 day break in Georgia. Mom, her friend Dori and I went to Southern Cross Ranch near Madison , GA for a bit to relax. I had not ridden a horse in a year and a half. It was so fun! We all tried barbeque raccon the first night, after Dori had calmed down from an allergic reaction that had her itching from head to toe. She was so funny! Mom and I about rolled off the bed laughing at her! Oooh the dirt I have on Dori now! We rode every day we were there. We got to ride some fantastic horses, and had a few adventures on them. The day we all decided to ride Percherons, we got quite a following. The colt of my horse, Trudy, was hanging out with the filly of mom's horse, Marge, along with another friend of theirs. We were followed around by three young horses for over an hour! Trudy was getting snippy with the friend, and Marge got snippy with Walker, the colt, when he kept getting between her and Tortuga, her baby. We were able to do alot of running on some of the horses though! I was able to get alot of pics too. On Saturday we all got massages to work out the kinks we had picked up from riding. It was my first ever real massage! I actually fell asleep on the table at one point! The dead give away was the snore I let out! My allergies did really good, and the air was so crisp and cool! We actually had to wear jackets AND long sleeve shirts most of the time. We even busted out a couple of sweaters!! I know! It was THAT cold! We went in the hot tub friday, and all decided to jump in the cold, unheated pool. At least, that was the original plan. Mom and I counted down, however, I was the only one to jump. Probably the only time I was able to call my mom a witch with a capital B and get away with it! It felt surprisingly good though, because it numbed my whole integumentary system! We were usually in bed around 930pm, and up around 5am. We played games on Sunday night to stay up later, and I found out Dori is a bad accomplice if you are trying to cheat at cards and pull one over on mom! She was so nervous, she dealt mom one of the cards I needed to win! We laughed so hard mom was tearing up, and I almost peed my pants! I did win at scrabble though, without cheating! It was nice to have the away time, and not have to worry about work or school and stuff like that. Of course, that all kicked right back in as soon as I got home! So much for relaxing this past week! We are wearing our new uniforms at work, and it is the middle of our busy season in the er! On top of that, school is winding up, and the holidays are approaching. Part of me wishes I could fast forward to January of next year, but that is impossible. So I will trudge on, through the season, and hopefully make it to the new year! When can I get away again????

Friday the 13th of October

Who would have thunk that this day would actually get to me,and not in the whole superstitious way. Yesterday was actually a pretty good day. Went to work, went home, took care of the dogs, went to a movie (thanks Bren!), went back home. Justin was in bed already with a headache, so I went and watched tv. My Wife & Kids was on, then Life with Jim, both funny shows. Then I happened to catch the news while flipping channels. They were doing an update on the trial. Apparently, the doctor filed a motion that says Kierra's own actions were responsible for her death. Since his car did not touch hers, there is not enough evidence to charge him. That is the motion. I just sat in shock. Then the phone rang, with a worried friend on the other end. I finally broke down. I had to call someone and talk. It helped. But still, how could he even try that? It infuriates me to no end. It just makes her death seem even more senseless! It was not for no reason! It cannot be! That would mean that those children have no mother for no reason, my family is missing a vital link for no reason, and I know his cannot be true. I keep waiting for something good to come of this, and it just never does. It's not fair! I know that sounds childish, but it is 100% true.
I stayed up a few more hours after that, unable to feel tired. When I did lay down, sleep did not come easy. I feel so heavy and fragile today, like I could just breakdown again at any given moment. Has it really been eleven months already? Eleven months without my big sister, of wanting her back, of dreading not living with her for the rest of my life? I guess so. Reality bites back hard sometimes. So, here goes another day. Lets hope it ends on a slightly beter note than it started on.

New faces (or snouts as it may be)

Big news on the homefront! (No, I am not pregnant!) Justin got a new puppy. No, it was not a mutual decision. He saw the puppies next door at his parents house, and was awestruck. How cute! Look baby! I told him we needed to talk about it, but did he listen? Of course not! He walked in an hour later with the puppy in his arms. Look baby! They gave her to me! The result? A very cute, but very wild red-nose pitbull puppy. She is white with tan markings. (pics to come)We have already had to treat her for fleas, get all her shots, and take some pre-emptive measures to make sure she does not have worms. Woo-hoo! However, she is very cute, and is learning to listen. We are planning on taking her to puppy classes to help train her. Her and Chaser are getting along, he likes her. She will be spayed, no more puppies for me! Ohhhh! You probably want to know what we named her, huh?
We had started calling her Athena. Justin said he wanted a strong name. What could be stronger than a goddess of wisdom? He still wanted a full name for her. Since Athena is a Greek goddess, we started looking into Greek translations for words. Turns out, the Greek word for wisdom is sofia, and goddess is thea. Her full name is Athena goddess of wisdom. In greek it is actually goddess Athena of wisdom, or Thea Athena apo Sofia. In Greek script it looks really cool
θεά Αθηνά της φρόνησης
Like I said, a really long name, but pretty cool and really pretty to say. To m, it sounds a little bit like the name game...Banana fana fo fana...you know what I mean! Well, that is about it for now. I have cut back at work, and am trying to focus on my anatomy & physiology class, which is pretty cool. Justin is doing well at his new job, and has applied for a position with one of the doctors. Catch ya later!

Back to Business...

Justin got a new job!! Justin got a new job!! Justin got a new job!! Justin got a new job!!
Sorry! I think I am more excited than he is! He had an interview at Solantic near our house, and got a new job! He will be a radiology tech again! His official position is a RT/MA, but who cares! He will back in radiology, which is what his degree is for! It is full-time days/evenings, and pays a lot better! I can cut back on my overtime! No more 6 day weeks! Woo-hoo! It has already been a stressful work day, so I am counting down til Monday when he starts! It has been a rough month, so this kind of spread a little ray of sunshine on our humble abode. Anyways!! That is about it for now guys, this kind of overshadowed any other things that have happened, because I honestly cannot remember any right now. Well, TTFN!

Music on My Heart

There have been a few songs on my heart lately. All are slow, some sad. All remind me of Kierra. Lately it seems harder to think that she is gone. I tried listening to the Beaches soundtrack not too long ago. Big Mistake! I heard Wind Beneath My Wings and lost it. It echoes Kierra and I. She always felt I was the good kid, the one to stand out, I always though it was her. She did so much with her lif. So, this one is for you Kie.

Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh

It must have been cold there in my shadow,

to never have sunlight on your face.

You were content to let me shine,

that's your way.

You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,

while you were the one with all the strain.

A beautiful face without a name for so long.

A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,

and everything I would like to be?

I can fly higher than an eagle,

for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,

but I've got it all here in my heart.

I want you to know I know the truth,

of course I know it.

I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be.

I could fly higher than an eagle,

for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?

You're everything, everything I wish I could be.

Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,

for you are the wind beneath my wings,

'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.

You, you, you,

you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly away.

You let me fly so high.

Oh, you, you, you,

the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, you, you, you,

the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,

so high I almost touch the sky.

Thank you, thank you,

thank God for you,

the wind beneath my wings.

Happy Birthday to Me!!

I had an awesome weekend! My birthday present to myself was 2 days off in a row for my August 13th, 22nd birthday! I am so glad I did that! Dad had to work Saturday night, but was able to go to lunch. It is a family tradition! The birthday kid gets to pick any restaurant they want to eat at. We went to Mimi's cafe, and had a good time! Mom and dad gave me a happy gift, that made me cry. It is a butterfly and a pink rose, but on the hook coming out of the rose is a fairy with a purple dress and purple ballet slippers. It was really sweet. It showed Kie was there for my birthday again! That night Manda, Jason, Justin and I went to Kyodai Japanese restaurant. Manda and Jason made me a Scooby-doo cake! It was so cute! Sunday morning we went to church and did our puppet skit for the kids. My mom and Hunter and the twins sang Happy Birthday when I went to pick up the kids for church. Grandma Blomgren called me and sang Happy Birthday to my voicemail, and my Sunday school class sang to me too! Daddy called me that afternoon to say Happy Birthday because he had to work. We did Asian August as a family get together at Terri's in St Augustine. Uncle Randy made banana split cake, and everyone sang to Chad and I. His birthday is next week. I got tons of Tinkerbell stuff! Shirts, a purse, and a matching wallet! Woo-hoo! Aunt Nancy got me a cool antique doorknocker with a butterfly on it, along with a birdhouse. I also got pj's, airheads, a gift card, and a lot of cards. We went over to Justin's parents afterwards and they had cheesecake! I was totally caked out! But it was really nice to see everybody and have a good day. I did not want to wake up and go to work today! But I am still in a really good mood from all the festivities! Thanks to everyone who truly made it a Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Letting the Creative Juices Flow!!

Okay, in the words of Shirley Temple, Oh my goodness! I have been given a few opportunities lately to write again. It has always been a deep passion of mine. Creative writing has always been a release for me. Give me a topic, ask me to make something of it, I am there! I have done papers on books for English, written Greek myths for the same, and even did a 2500 word essay on the experience of going through a concentration camp during WWII, from a historical standpoint. I love to write this kind of stuff! I can get outside of myself, and just let my mind do its thing! Let me try to explain my mind a little bit for you...
Take an average sentence, like....How was school today?Okay, its a question actually, but still! My mind dissects the sentence, picking out key letters, like the first h,the second w, the first s, the second h, the l, the t, and the d. My mind keeps them in order, but puts them to a rhythm to make the letters flow. It also tries to put a rhythm to the words, and make it flow as well. So, when I was given an opportunity to write a monologue for Noah to present to our children's church, my mind automatically starts recalling what I know, then trying to put a rhythm, or cadence to it. By the time I finally sat down to write, my mind was reeling. I followed the Bible for my inspiration and information, and let it flow out of me. The result? Almost three pages of prose! I followed an abcb style, where the second and fourth lines rhyme. I shocked myself! I typed it up, and presented it to Mrs. Cyndee to look over. Well, she told me what she thought yesterday........
She loved it! She said it was amazing, and that she could tell I put a lot of hardwork into it! I was elated! I had been so nervous about what she would say. Would she want it shorter, or want to add more verses. What, what, what!!! I just sort of smiled and blushed. We decided to use it as a teaser for the kids for that days lesson. I never actually used Noah's name, my mind could not think of a word that exactly rhymed with that. The kids have to guess who it is about, then we will reeanact the storm, with the kids paired up as animals, masks and all. Two by two of course! It should be fun!
Then, I had a chance the same week to write a skit for the Fall of Man from Genesis 3:1-24. I needed to try to write it for Adam, Eve, and the Serpent. The result? A very amusing mini-play. I again followed information from the Bible, but added more dialogue, and stage direction. Again, something I loved doing! I will try to post both.
It is so nice to be able to express my ideas for activities, and lessons for the kids, and at the same time let my creative juices flow out of me to share with others! Just had to share, it sort of made my week to have my work appreciated! It had been a while since I have been able to do anything like that!

Sorry so Slow

Sorry so slow to write, but it has been crazy around here. Working too much as usual! A few updates for everyone. Justin's truck was totaled from his accident a few months ago. We now own a red 95 jeep cherokee in its place. Justin and I are also part of childrens church now. We will be helping out down there teaching on Sundays, switching out with some other people. It has been fun so far. We meet on thursdays to dicuss lesson plans and supplies for each lesson and its acivities, and delegate differen aspects of the lessonto different people. Speaking of church....
A funny thing happened on the way to (and from) church last night. I had put on a Radio Disney cd I have had for years. The song Just the Two of Us by Will Smith came on. I started dancng and waving my arms, so then I looked back and Tristan was copying me. Hunter was up front doing a hand wave type thing, while Alexa was screaming and laughing at all three of us. The way home we had We are Family and YMCA. Hunter still remembers the letters from Shelia's wedding when mom and I showed him! It was so fun.
I am very proud of myself. I try to clean on my days off, which are few and far between. However, I took both of them this week. I refound the laundry room floor, the top of the endtables in the den, the den floor, and the top of the entertainment center. It took a lot, but it was worth it for the pride I felt in my home. It looks so good! I even moved the dryer and found Justin's favorite jeans, and a pair of his dress pants! I got alot of the laundry done by just sitting in the den and watchng some old movies. It sounds funny, but this allows me to hear both washer and dryer when they finish, and I can sit on the couch to fold clothes and sort socks. It went by pretty fast actually! I wasn't even bored!
Well, enough domestic drivel for now, but at least I have now updated my blog!

Time flies...

It seems to me that time flies, whether you are having fun or not. Our 1 year anniversary came and went, as did Kie's birthday and the 7 month anniversary of her death. I was so proud of myself, I held up considerably well on her birthday. A friend from work invited Justin and I to Adventure Landing to hang out, and I made myself enjoy it. It was really fun. We stayed til it closed, then went to get a bite to eat. It did not hit me til the next evening. Justin and I were driving out to the beach and passed the place of the accident. It hit hard. I did not thoroughly break down, just shed a few silent ears for her. You know, she would have been 25. Natalie Portman has her same exact birthday. I found it sad that she was able to celebrate and enjoy it, but Kierra could not.
On a lighter note, my cousin Brit in Indiana had her baby girl on June 12. Taylor Marie has entered our lives. She is a beautiful baby from the pictures I have seen. Shelia, a close friend of the family, got married on June 17. I was a very nice wedding, and a very fun reception. Her sister Leslie came in from Maine. It was nice to see her again and be able to hang out. Our husbands got along famously. They are the same age and have a lot of common interests.
I have been slowing down at work, forcing myself to keep my days off simply that, my days off. That does not keep me from working weird shifts though. Prime example: Thursday, June 22, went to St. Augustine with the girls, and was going to work 12a-12p for Friday. Simple enough. Take a nap when I get home, work my shift, take another nap. Was it that simple? Of course not! Little Miss Tinkerbell, my hamster, decided to get out of her cage while I was gone, and Justin did not notice. Instead of a nap, we ransacked the house trying to find her before Chaser, the dog, did. Good news: found Tink in the guest room. Bad news: no nap. So, I stayed up from 8am Thursday til 2pm Friday before I was finally able to fall asleep. And what a deep sleep it was! I did not hear either phone ring the three times they did, or hear Justin come home and take my glasses off!
So, to top this off, I was at work at 3:30am this morning, get off at 2p, and am off til 7a Thursday. I am looking forward to this!

Snap back to Reality!

Aargh! It has been a very long week. AGAIN! Phantom Saturday was awesome though. It was so cool to watch the actors on stage, no editing or voice overs, just raw talent. I love that kind of stuff! I miss acting! We took the kids to the beach Sunday, and they had a blast! Tristan learned how to throw sand, and Alexa was screaming at the waves. I went to mom's on Memorial Day and helped make food and clean house. I had to leave before I could thoroughly enjoy the spread. I had to work the 3-11 shift for the holiday. Of course, I have been working too much, again. Nothing new there. However, it is really starting to wear me out. I find myself more stressed when I get home, and having more trouble sleeping lately.
Sunday, June 4th, is exactly one year that Justin and I have been married. It seems like it has flown by. So much has happened to us this past year. Some good, some devastating. It is hard to rejoice, knowing that Kie would have turned 25 next Friday, June 9th. I remember calling her last year on our honeymoon, and leaving her a voicemail singing her Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday Kie! Sorry you could not be here to celebrate with us. It will always be your birthday here. We love you!

Life is like a "toco salid".....

Life is like a "toco salid" all mixed up, a little spicy, a few hard bites, but overall tasty. Or should I say zesty? Of course, you are probably wondering why I spelled that wrong. Me, of all people, who is like a walking spell checker, spelling two words wrong, in a row! Well, simple. Kierra used to spell those words exactly as they appear. She had a habit of spelling things phonetically, or how they sound. I thought about that last night. It was one of her quirks. She had been making a grocery list, and spelled those words, along with a few others, wrong. I used to pick at her for them. She would generally hit me, or call me some four to five letter explicative. This has been one of those rough weeks. I thought about her a lot. Sometimes I cannot help but cry over the times we shared. The memories are still so tender, so raw. They are bittersweet at times. I love to think of her, remember all the good times, remember her face, her laugh. Then I remember it is gone from this world forever. I feel selfish saying or writing it, but I want her back. I want my big sister, the only sister I ever had. She can never be replaced, or set aside. Just held onto, cherished, remembered forever with happiness. I still miss her so much, it seems like yesterday everything happened, when it has been over 6 months. So much has changed.
Justin was in a car accident last Friday. He was stopped with traffic, and a mustang going 45-50 mph hit him from behind. He hit his head, but was okay. He came to the ER and got looked at and they cleared him. It just worried me. He had been on the way home from work, was going to the bank, and bam! I admit I was very scared. It just brought so much back.
Well, on a lighter note! Tuesday was Hunter's day. I took him to the park, to lunch, to his appointment, and then for ice cream. He loved it. We are all going to Phantom of the Opera this Saturday. I can't wait! I love musicals! It is awesome to see them performed live!
Well, I have depressed you enough, so I will let it be for now, and try to write again soon. TTFN!

Busy, busy, busy...

Oh my goodness! I have been one busy little worker bee! I hurt my hip last week and had to take some time off, but have been more than making up for it this week. It has been hectic, but I just keep repeating to myself one word to keep going: overtime. That helps some.
Last weekend was busy too. Friday Justin picked up Hunter and he got to stay at our house. We took him to dinner and a movie. He enjoyed the one-on-one time with us. Saturday he and I went to moms to help with the twins and get ready for a mother's day banquet at the church. It was bittersweet. Don't get me wrong, it was very nice, but just rough at times. While the twins took their nap afterwards, mom and I moved some stuff out of storage. We are an awesome team when there is stuff to move. That night Justin and I took the kids to the zoo. My work, the hospital, has an employee night every year. We wore the kids out and kept them all at our house for the night. I got to borrow mom's van too! It was different, but a lot easier with all three kids plus the double stroller. Sunday we took them all to church, and I got to sing in the worship part of the am service. I did okay, but it was a little hard to sing while crying for the first verse! It had been a rough morning. I was overwhelmed by my emotions.
Hunter had his pre-k graduation last night. He was such a little man. He had a part in acting out a nursery rhyme. He was the little boy down the lane for Baa-baa Black Sheep. He gets the acting bug from me! We all went to dinner afterwards, which was also really nice.
Sorry so boring! It has just been a really long week, and I have just worn myself out, but knew I needed to write. I know, I know, I should stop trying to do everything, and learn to pace myself, and not take all these extra shifts, and try to leave on time. What can I say, I am just a good little doobie! I do no leave til my relief is here, and I do not leave if it is really busy either! Sorry! Well, enough idle chit-chat for now. I will try to be more interesting next time!

Memories...

"Mem'ries,Like the corners of my mind,Misty water-colored memories,Of the way we were...."
Those lyrics were running through my mind this morning. I have thought about Kierra a lot this week. I went to bake cookies last week, such a domestic thing for me, and remembered Kierra had left some in the freezer when she lived here. Tears sprung to my eyes when I opened the container only to find her chocolate stash. It made me laugh too. I had never gone into the container before. It was hers, she left it there, I want to leave it there. Good old Kie, still pulling pranks on me! Then last night, while studying for my statistics exam, I saw the figurine mom had gotten me for Christmas. Two girls on a bench, one long haired brunette, the other with short hair. The meaning behind it finally hit me. One of the last things Kierra and I did together was lay in my bed and just talk. She had a lot of stuff on her mind, and just really needed me to talk to. I kept making her laugh. We had turned on the radio so the guys couldn't hear us, and I would hear a song I knew and sing to her. I miss those times. There has been so much I wanted to talk to her about, questions about stuff in my life I knew she would have answers to. But the answers are gone. I find them in other places. It is still really hard no longer having my big sister. We were apart for so long, both on different paths, and they had finally met and converged into one.
"Then the rainstorm came, over me,And I felt my spirit break,I had lost all of my, belief you see,And realized my mistake,But time threw a prayer, to me,And all around me became still..."
Sorry! That Seal song came to me too. I have a penchant for things like that. I usually have a song in my head, or on my heart. They help me express myself sometimes. I have a passion for music. It has been a kind of release for me the past few years. I guess everybody needs something to help them through things. Well, enough depressing drivel for now. Just had to put my thoughts out there before I got too depressed. Thanks for reading!

Back to Reality...

Well, the trip was definitely worth it!! I was able to spend some much needed time with my husband, and with some family. Easter was rough. We went to grandma's church, and I saw the gazebo for the first time in a long time. I was holding back tears. I could just picture Kierra dancing with daddy there, her with Darnell, but I just went to the car, then straight back inside. It was not the time to dwell. Brenda and I were able to catch up on a lot. We keep trying to see each other, but our schedules conflict. It was nice to just chill, and to talk again.
Justin loved his birthday gift. We had a very nice time at the hotel, and he was thoroughly surprised! We also had a nice visit with his brother in Kentucky, and we got to spend some time with Brittany as well. A few funny stories for you...
1) Brenda and I got mom to pull over on the side of a 4 lane highway to save a butterfly from her windshield wiper before it died
2) Those room service guys are very chatty. Especially when you are laying in bed, naked under the covers. I understand they are used to that, but I am not!!
3) Never get used to people saying your name wrong. In Indiana, we were playing pool with Brit, when two officers walked in, full uniform, with gloves on and all. They said they were looking for a Brianna Garrison. Yeah, all Brit and I heard was the first name, we both freaked a little! They left, we breathed a huge sigh of relief.
We did some stuff on our own as well. We rode through Amishville, and got some awesome pictures of the land and such. It is illegal in the state of Indiana to take pictures of the Amish themselves. We also stopped at Cumberland Fals in the Daniel Boone Natinal Forest in Kentucky. Over all it was a very nice trip, it just seemed so short! It was a pain to get back to work o n monday!

it Will All Be Worth It, Right?

Oh my goodness! I am soooo tired! We leave for Tennessee today, so Justin and I both are at work early. I was here at 5:30am, he got to work around 6am. However, he at least got a few hours sleep last night. Me? I stayed up literally all night getting stuff ready. The good news is I found out where the laundry room floor went, and rediscovered my keen clothes folding skills! Justin is fully packed, and he found another suitcase for me this morning. All I need to do when I get home is put my stuff in it, and we should be ready to go. I am so excited about this trip! Justin never reads my blog, so I can spill my secret for his birthday. He has always wanted to go to a really nice hotel, have a nice dinner, and all that jazz. Of course, nice is like 3 diamonds. So, loving wife that I am, I started saving. For his birthday we are going to the Peabody Hotel in Memphis, TN. They have a really nice package that has champagne, flowers, dinner, and breakfast all included with the room. He has no clue! All I said to him is that it is 6 hours from Dandridge, where we are headed tonight, and six hours from Kentucky, where we will be going to see his oldest brother. I also said there are ducks, which the Peabody in Memphis is famous for. His only other clue is that it is the home of Sun Studio, which is where Elvis, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee and all of them got their starts. He was still lost. He was not allowed to google, ask anyone, or try to look up this stuff at all. He is so curious!!
So, here I sit, at a desk at work, until 2pm, trying not to fall asleep, trying to keep busy, keep my mind working, and still remembering stuff I will need to do. I can do this! Hopefully, it will all be worth it....

New Computers!

Woo-hoo! We finally got new computers at work! I know this sounds corny, but I am actually excited about them! My whole position at work revolves around my computer. Our old ones were always losing the network connection, and had trouble holding a good battery charge. The new ones are taller, better set up physically, and technologically. they are so cool! I know it is weird to be writing this, but I was just so happy about them, I had to share!
Only 2 more days until vacation! Looking forward to seeing everbody and relaxing! Much love to everyone!

Freedom!

Ah! Sweet freedom! I get one whole week of it! No work, no worries, no things I absolutely have to do! We are going on vacation! For 9 whole days! We leave this Friday, the 14th, and will not be back until the 23rd. We will be going to Tennessee, Kentucky, and Indiana. My grandparents are in Tennessee, my husband's oldest brother and family are in Kentucky, and my Buddha-Boo is in Indiana! Buddha-Boo is my nickname for my pregnant cousin Brittany. Her nickname has always been Boo, Halloween baby, and she has a little Buddha belly. There you go! Buddha-Boo! We cannot wait to see everybody!
The dance exhibition went really well. A few snags, but nothing too horribly bad. Someone actually said I looked really graceful! That word has like, never been used to describe me! Well, not without a note of sarcasm! I had so much fun! The teacher said we all did really good. Manda and I were very proud of ourselves.
Other than that, things have been pretty good. Still working too hard, but that will probably never stop. It is part of who I am! So, until I find time again, tata for now!

Dance With Me!!!

Woo-hoo! Or, if you happen to be in my ballroom dancing class, Hoo-rah! Today was a blast. We have been working hard for the Spring Fling on April 5th, but we still have fun! The most fun dance to do is the merengue!! We get to shake our butts! Our teacher said it looked like we had a couple pole dancers in there! Namely, Manda, Dani and I! We were the only girls dancing by ourselves! We have a shortage of guys in the class. I considered it an homage to Kierra. She was the queen when it came to shaking that thang! We are so ready to show our moves off!
Mom and I went to a self defense class last night. That was cool! We were shown key pressure points and how to defend ourselves. Then we got to practice on our partners. My partner? Who else? Mom! I got to beat up my mother, and not get into trouble! Of course, she got to hit me back! We took Hunter out for ice cream afterwards, so he thought that was cool, and made me sit beside him! Mom pretended she was offended, so he said he would sit by both of us!!
Needless to say , it has been a good couple of days! Well, catch y'all later! Bye for now!

Glutton for Punishment

Sometimes I honestly think I am too nice. For example, it is 5:39 am in Jaksonville right now, and I have been at work since 5am. Don't ask. I stayed 7am-7:30pm yesterday, and still made it here today. I surprise even myself sometimes! As rough as it can be, I actually enjoy my job, and do not mind helping out when I am needed. Such is the case this morning. It has been another long week, but it seems like it flew right by me. My husband had to go to Ocala Sunday evening for work, and gets back tonight. His replacement this week? None other than my best girlfriend! Manda came over Sunday night, and has stayed every night since. We have had so much fun! Staying up late wayching movies, girltalk, and even good old Ben & Jerry joined us for a viewing of Rent! (good movie!) One night, we couldn't sleep, even though the clock read 1am, so we stayed up til 4am playing all sorts of card games, including go fish!
We also kicked butt and got alot of the spring cleaning done at the house. Justin and I are in the process of buying, so we had an appraisal wednesday. So far so good! I had a date with mom and the kids tuesday. We did the whole dinner and a movie thing. Curious George was sooooo cute! Red Lobster was fun. The kids just wanted to play! once mom and I got them backt o the house, and all 3 in bed, we did our thing. We curled up on the couch and watched In Her Shoes. It was nice just hanging out with mom again. Manda and I got the twins for church wednesday, and it was fun getting them ready. Their favorite song? My PG version of "my Humps" by Blackeyed peas. "My toes, my toes, my chunky baby toes". This alone sends both Alexa and Tristan into a fit of giggles!
Well, all in all it was a really good week! So, onward and upward, forward to the next one. I still have ballrom dancing tonight at school! i love the class, and am actually pretty graceful on the floor! I know! What a shocker! Most people who know me would say I can barely walk over flat gorund, in my barefeet! But yes folks, I can pull off the waltz, and not look like a fish flopping on dry land! And in heels nonetheless!

Where to start....

Oh my gosh! This is very new to me, so please excuse in advance any rambling I may do. Needless to say, obviously, my life is a little crazy. I never get too much time to tell people how I am doing, feeling, or just simply what is going on. My life has changed alot in the past year, some for the good, some for the not so good. I am a newly wed, very much one of those sappy, yucky, PDA relationships. But we also share alot with each other, and I do not mean just the covers! (we are both blanket hogs!) We have a cute little white house, porch swing and all, with the cute dog, and even ahamster. We also have a snake, but not for much longer.
I work in an emergency room, which is crazy in itself, with or without my presence. You see some pretty disturbing stuff. I am also a very family oriented person. The hardest thing this past year, actually four months and 7 days, was losing my sister. I still have alot of trouble with that. I did surprisingly well at the 4 month mark. It was 2 days later that I fell apart. I had been thinking about Kierra, my sister, alot. The crazy colors she would dye her hair, making generic ramen in Tennessee to the tune of Dreamlover by Mariah Carey, all the little things. Well, I had gone to lunch with my best friend Amanda, and i guess my keepsake heart necklace went into my food. I did not notice until I got home, and felt something crusty on my necklace. Over dinner at Applebee's that night, I mentioned it to my husband casually, while dipping a chip into the spinach dip. His comment, which in retrospect was pretty cute, was that she was hungry. Needless to say, with a mouth full of food, I lost it. It is pretty hard to cry with a mouthful of food! So, I excused myself to the ladies room to let it out. It happens like that. I am fine for a while, sometimes a week, sometimes less, then out of nowhere, something small sets me off.
In the past few months, I have also taken alot upon myself. It is my own fault, so no one take this wrong, please! We take my sisters twin 2 year olds, as well as my 5 year old brother with us all day every sunday. I ove it! I get to have quality time with the kids. The last sunday we had them was especially nice. Tristan(the boy twin) would not take a nap, and Alexa(the girl twin) was zonked out. Hunter(my baby brother) was doing his own thing with a movie. I decided to let them play outside. So, Justin(my husband) mowed the lawn, and I cleaned the porch. The boys had a blast. Playing with the soccer ball, running around the house, just doing stuff little boys do. Then the fun really began. Justin was hosing downt he front walk, and the boys would sneak up behind him, only to get sprayed with hose, and run off screaming! I just sat on the swing, and enjoyed the fun. For a little while at least. Justin heard me laughing, and decided to turn on me! By the time the water war was over, all 4 of us were soaked through, and literally dripping wet! It wa sa blast!
Well, I guess that gets me off to a start. A little background, with some good and not so good times. Enjoy! We are just starting to learn about Brianne's Crazy Life!!